Funny tool related serial e-mail that I recieved from my Dad (another tool nut).

TOOL DEFINITIONS:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so thatit smacks you in the chest and > flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you hadcarefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ''Whatthe...??''

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes > until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screwheads..

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC''S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ''DAMMIT'' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Super Deluxe Mini-Ratchet Tool Set

Super Deluxe Mini-Ratchet Tool Set

This is TINY but can do amazing things. The ratchet only needs 12 degrees swing to engage the next tooth. The torque spec that they use in the instructions is 400 in/lbs. included in the set is Hex drive (metric & standard), 9 flat driver, 5 Philips, a 1/4" socket driver, driver handle, extension, end and middle thumb adjusters (Red), and ratchet.

Also pictured is a second extension which also fits in the box.

This is a tiny set with huge functionality and configurable.

Pros: pocket sized, generally if you have the bit for the fastener this will allow you to get it in or out, US made

Cons: expensive ($70 US), limited availability (MSC Industrial Supply is the only place that I have found it), I would trade some of the flat bits for: #2 square, torks.

Best for: Tech/Pro, or gadget/tool person.

AUTOLOADER® Multi-Bit Screwdriver

I have been buying multi-bit screwdrivers for a long time and only now I have something to get excited about: the AUTOLOADER.

Pro:6 bits ready to go, durable materials, can change bits, big handle 1 1/2" (I like this but people with smaller hands may not).

Con: If you grip the spinner at the front of tool (blue plastic) while using the tool the bit will slide into the shaft. This isn't bad as you can use this as an alignment tool for pan head screws, and the right size flat heads.

The AUTOLOADER® Multi-Bit Screwdriver is easy to use, made from quality materials and has a great design. Old style multibit

Pro: Cheap, 4 or more functions 6-in-1 (pictured driver 4 drivers [2 flat, 2 philips] and 2 nut driver sizes).

Con: If a bit gets lost wears, or rusts (see pic) throw the rest away,